From both sides of the fence

It's another of those "I have a hundred things to say and I don't have the time to say them so I'll say a hundred other things instead" posts.

Everybody has a way of saying "yes, I'm still alive, yes, I'm still occupying this space!" This is mine. I guess I post these things partially because I feel a certain duty, or rather, I feel that people watching this space may feel a little neglected. It might be altogether silly for the most part, but that's what compels me anyway.

Ironically, the things that I want to write about more recently I've hesitated to do so because they seemed more -personal- or rather thoughts that were so half-baked that I'd want to keep them to myself. This is a contrast to my general approach to LJ: I wanted it to be as complete an account of things I was doing and thinking as possible. Now I appreciate the limitations of this. There is also this strange pervasive sense of insecurity that I've left to sit and see what happens- turns out that it hasn't done anything which means it also hasn't gone away. I suppose I should just go the hell ahead and write what I've been wanting to say since...hell...it's what I'm thinking!

( I'm boring )

If you wanted some productive reading, I hope you didn't read the above cut. If you wanted something worth your time, you'd be better off looking below.

( Aw, what the hell. Not-100% Safe For Work behind this cut )

Wow. I only spent like, the entire day writing this post on-and-off. Now it's almost time to go to bed. I should finish another lecture though.

Later!

I am interrupting my parasitology study session to make you suffer my self-satisfaction.

( .gif, because I'm still in the dark ages and don't use flash. )

I scribbled these frames out over the course of 2¹/₂ classes or so. A total of 66 frames, ~14fps. Lately having begun to understand more about biomechanics, movement and animation, it's about this point that I can say that it's looking not-too-shonky :D

There's a pantload of background info that I don't really want to type out...so you'll have to wait, muahahaha. But I can tell you...they're bunnies! And the one on the left should be Nes. And...I totally thought up that combo myself. I've been trying to do these damn things for the past 2 years and this is the first one I've finished, let alone looked any good.*

So yeah. Excuse the bubbliness.

*There is one of Orlestat in the pipeline, but this is much harder, because a) Each frame is about a half to a full A4 page in size b) All the markings and details are included (ARGH!!!) c) Orlestat is avian.

I have a lot to say, but that's still not getting said.

I have a lot to study, but that's also not getting done.

I have a lot of drawings I owe various people, but instead, you get this:



That's holidays for you!

Well, since several months ago I owe 4 people a sketch each via this meme. I've decided I want to do it in OC because I wanted to play around with sketchy application of watercolors. I'm not great with OC, hence the practice with a rough scribble I did during class (yet again)...don't want to shortchange my friends c..c





I literally splashed the color on (as much as one can do such with a mouse), and fuzzed in the background with a few vague washes, so it's not particularly detailed...not that it needs to be.

Anyway, so this character's had a few developments- as you can see I've worked out a vague color scheme (accounting for the fact that this picture is over-exposed to simulate the glare of direct sunlight on a white-sanded beach), and also the details for the costume (see VCL image for more details, or something). I still need to work on the text to go on the leggings, though. And I also worked out a name to go with his now-rather-extensive-backstory: his birth name is Nes, familial nickname Neske, and for some funny reason his public nickname is Chase. Won't bother explaining that either...I feel lazy.

I ought to be doing study.

Edit: Maybe I might go with the original plan and use azure leggings, as opposed to anthracite. I dunno...amethyst?

While in Malaysia I did take along my scrapbook as I wanted to do some sketches. I'll post a few of them here because I feel like it.

( Bunny- more costuming help required! )

( NOSHADOWKICKWTF??? )

Okay, that's enough for the time being. Any more help with the costuming thingy would be much appreciated, I guess. Now I go sleep.

An attempt to organise my life and state some proactive goals

Right, so I'm flying to Malaysia in precisely 24 hours, and:

1. My room is still a mess.
2. I have a very important letter and an informal CV to write and send (at least I've done the other submission thingy...that one was particularly urgent).
3. I still have a list of requests that I am going through too slowly.
4. We're missing Malaysia-Australia adaptors.
5. My net died in the middle of some rather delicate conversations as my brother and mother were calling through from the US...

Ooh, that's probably getting irrelevant now.

( These holidays have been spent with my feeling curiously displaced )

In other news, my mother and brother unexpectedly splurged and bought me the complete 120 set of Prismacolors as well as some holdfast (non-fade) pencils...and tree-free hemp paper. ZOMG. My mother and I may not see eye-to-eye but her concerns about the content and the time-consuming nature of my hobbies aside, I have realised (and mentioned to the effect) that she actually likes the fact that I draw (since she drew alot herself too). Still, this tickles me pink in some respects (and, sadly, makes me feel horrid in others). More pragmatically speaking, this does for me something I've been unwilling to spend the cash on: good pencils so that I can improve and branch out my drawing more aggressively. Because I do love to draw, and I do hate not being able to draw certain things because I'm simply not good enough.

Speaking of art, as testament to my inability to stay on task:





WARNING: NAKED BUNNY

Product of yesterday! New character, actually, not entirely new, but he's this guy. As you can see (CLICKY THE LINKY THINGY the thumbnail looks TERRIBLE) I've changed the skull alot- when I first attempted drawing rabbits, I made the amateurish mistake of attempting to let the ears do the work. The styles clashed as I was trying to do...like...a realistic version of Cream (from Sonic et al.) and, like...no. So this guy's my second attempt- or second and third, since the second consisted of an essentially human head with altered muzzle and of course the ears (some hen- I mean manga influences evidently). I suppose this approach was in part successful but I totally freaked strawcat out with those glassy, soulless eyes. Having accomplished this feat in my next quick sketch (quick save for the bloody head, that is, oh boy I struggled) I decided that yes, this approach was definitely not working (another friend called them "killer zombie eyes" to which I had to agree...I will eeeeat your soooouuuullll...) and whacked on an actual rabbit head, slightly modified.

Bingo. We have, for all intents and purposes, an anthropomorphic rabbit, in keeping with my insistence on relatively realistic anatomy. By the way, he needs a name!!! I started out with Dent, or maybe Jack, but neither of those fly. Neither did Felt. Bill I stuck with for a bit but it was indeed a total joke, as was Charlie. Fleet is too corny, but Fleck and Flisk are just way off. It pretty much needs to be monosyllabic, relatively uncommon, but also preferably denoting no meaning except by phonetic connotation. And I majorly suck at giving names.

You'll note that he's the strongest built yet (I decided to make him an exotic dancer for the hell of it, huzzah), and you might even note that I've been drawing more muscular characters as time wears on (Rael was pretty thin, though that is very different now...Morgan was spindly but has broad shoulders, Orlestat is pretty damn ripped.) No, I am *not* developing a muscle-fur fetish! Honest. Though I do have to address the fact that my habits in terms of subject matter are rather narrow in scope. I need to exorcise some demons and draw a larger range of characters. Ah yes, that's a good idea. While I'm thinking about broadening the palette, I also need to start looking at more diverse architecture, hierarchical (religious) themes, more complex drapery and non-flattering, candid poses- all of which I tend to shy away from for a variety of psychologically-based reasons. Which reminds me- costuming tips would also be much appreciated. I wanted to have this sleeve-thingy, but it doesn't seem to go so well with a loin-cloth, and I suck at costuming anyway.

Now, I should finish up what I'm doing and head to bed. Perhaps the reason I'm still feeling so marvellously displaced is because I'm still high on MSG. Also, I may be online whilst in Malaysia, but not a whole lot (and time zone changes, obviously: GMT+0800). After that, I'll be in Sydney until about the 10th (Feb).

So. Later!

Lately I've been having much of a social life INTERJECTION: ZOMG NO WAI, most recently meeting and enjoying the company of jm_horse, his mate bastett (who were visiting for MiDfur) and the local ebonypony whom I've been attempting to rendevous with for some months but failed until Sunday. JM has, in his report on the visit, written some sections about our conversations, which I just might go into more detail on, but I am feeling very lazy, so first up, all I will say is that it was most enjoyable company (and great beer. Which I drank alot of, which was a mistake as I've lost my previously considerable alcohol tolerance since leaving college.) I really ought to get out more.

What was interesting is that essentially a "fur-meet" of sorts- one further fueled by the fact that JM has a particular fascination for the equine-kind, which in itself is fascinating as my adopting an equine fursona was quite incidental. This is not the first such meeting (i.e. one with a distinctly furry subtext)- I attended a much larger gathering as part of dimruthien's (along with a whole bunch of others') visit to Melbourne in August. I must say that the experience, which often included direct references to my "furryness" was a rather surreal one as it was coloured by not only my preconceptions on the nature of a "furmeet" but also the extent of my previous experiences: I only allude to my association by interest online or through art, literature, etc. It's not a lifestyle nor is it a cornerstone of my identity- it's simply a way of encapsulating my interest in anthropomorphic characters, and, as can be expected, related interests.

But on the flip side (again), there are certain trends which emerge (when observed on an individual basis) from this furry fandom. There are probably a number of contingent factors, such as the fact that when I'm left to my own devices, I usually make friends with those who are at least 4 years older than I am, as to be honest I find most (but thankfully not all) people from my own age bracket tediously...immature. It's just that in most cases were I to not actively socialise, friendships come from acquaintanceships which are circumstantial and usually derived from school (admittedly you could describe this in an Aristotlean manner). The furs I know are generally more insightful, self-aware and intelligent (regardless of emo-ness or apparent mental instability) than what I've come to expect from the general population- a comment backed up by some, but I do feel that it is due to the selective nature of such people (myself included) that gives us this view- a more common assessment from one who engages in fur-socialisation more comprehensively is that there is no significant difference for the demographic that furry does most strongly represent- by which I mean no real deviation from the realms of human nature. I'm interested in conducting studies to this effect- trying to discern any of the purported biases that some (often detractors) assert.

Anyway, getting towards the point, when I do meet other "furs", I tend to be rather glad that I can put a face and voice to the text. This implies that my previous aversion to face-to-face social activity has been effectively annulled, perhaps reflecting a growing security in my sense of self, but nonetheless this is something requiring some actual experience (which was suggested to me earlier this year). Also, it seems to suggest that I prefer to think of any fur's identity as based on the actual player- the reason for this not being that I must predicate a person's identity on their humanity, but rather that seems to me to aid in my presumptions for perceiving their being. It was no different when meeting JM and Bastett on Friday, and we managed to string together a most interesting conversation which, frankly, I wish I had more of and reckon that many people I know would also. I also have photos, but to save everybody some dignity I'll just stick to summarising the conversation.

( Officially declared hifalutin by the Australian Chapter of the LJ Council of Horses )

It occurs to me that this post is almost entirely composed out of things I have said before, or thought before and other people have expressed in a manner more articulate and clear than I could achieve. However, it also does the job of hinting at the direction of this journal for the immediate future and tying in a lot of material, which I hope is compensation enough for occupying so much of your time.

That said, if you saw "hifalutin" and decided to skip the cut, then since this post is furry-themed, I'll drop a little furry line-art; something I drew as both Strawcat and myself have slumped into this depressive phase:





Please note- this is NSFW as it depicts...uhh...equine genitalia in...uhm...full flight. No it's not yiff. And it will be coloured and done up properly. This is a draft!

Right. It's exceedingly late now, and I'm very tired (but I had to write this post in an attempt to gain some initiative). However, I've run the risk of being inane and offensively stupid for too many hours now, and will break it off right here.

Dong, out.

Well, I kinda disappeared off the net for a while again...so much for doing a pic-a-day. Also, I'm running out of wasted paper (thanks to too many out-takes). But yeah, I might as well regale you a brief account of the exams anyway:

( 3 exams and 1 scribble later... )

Now, finally, I also did manage to finish that pic I mentioned earlier- so I'll blab on about that now:





First off, I'm testing this sparkly new VCL feature that I remember Ch'marr (the administrator) mentioned some time back before I even had an LJ...it's basically the beginnings of a cross-posting comments system. I just want to see what it looks like, since I do not think I'll be enjoying any "additional exposure" as such a system would probably bring- audience on both LJ and anywhere else is small, and I'm not sure whether I'd actually want people commenting on the journal through VCL or what, because, as you can see, I tack everything in the same place. Either way, it's a thumbnail so CLICKY THE LINKY THINGY (yay, I get hits) because the full size pic is pretty large- it has to be.

Anyway, so this is yet another Rael-vs-Arael sparring pic (well, I haven't posted many online, but I have a collection going.) These seem to share the following characteristic features: a) Rael is always on the back foot, b) they spar in a grassy clearing surrounded by fairly dense foilage, c) ...I can't think of a third feature, uhm, it's always a motion-filled pic? That'll do.

One reason I do not draw the half-dragon characters nearly as much as I used to (back when they were my ONLY characters) is because the wings are a real pain in the butt. However, since anthropomorphic characters aren't realistic by any stretch of the scientific imagination, I've become a little less anally retentive about it...and also I am getting a bit better at the anatomy as well as appreciating principles of motion. Since I was watching Lateef and Tony have at it, this scribble has a distinct capoeira influence. Rael is hitting the deck while Arael sweeps overhead in what would probably have been a triple 540 (outside cresent right, inside crescent left and finish with a jacknife). All very showy and stuff.

As a result of that, the background (which takes the most time as usual) is divided into two parts- as an exercise in framing. Rael's motion is vertical, whilst Arael's is more horizontal, or perhaps radial to some point below the bottom of the picture. Then there's the perspective from somewhere directly behind Rael's left foot. All in all, something I haven't tried before, and I'm not altogether displeased with how it turned out. The tint was the result of several hours of trying to fiddle with the settings in grayscale before giving up- I thought since I already tampered with the background digitally, why not that too.

A final side note- I decided to dispense with niceties and gave Rael a slightly anatomically correct touch- mercifully obscured by motion blur. However, I was not intending to do the same with Arael (I'm not referring to the breasts, although they look more appropriately placed for a moving body than previous attempts), but very sloppy penmanship did it for me. I couldn't be bothered correcting it as this page had too much white-out on it already and it was written on the back of my anatomy notes anyway. I mean, whatever!

Okay, now it is so far past my bedtime that I will have to set the alarm, lest I fail to wake up and miss my exam...which would prove most displeasing.

Dong, out.

Okay, Health Practice exam tomorrow, and I just found out that it was 2pm, not 9am like I originally thought it was. This is nice, only because I have a SPLITTING HEADACHE and would dearly like to finish my Intro to Neuropsychology component before I go to bed tonight. Growth and Development, Sex and Gender, and Psychological Medicine are a snap and I have already dealt with them, at least.

Argh, my head...it hurts...it's the perforating branches of my middle cerebral arteries again...ow...anyway!

( Driving Dong insane part 5 )

Anyhow, that's enough reminiscing. I should get back to work. Associative agnosia here we come!

P.S. I've been having a lot of trouble with Photobucket and residual cookies- so I've finally corrected the bunny image in the last post so that it shows at its original size.

...before I got sidetracked by this brilliant game called Line Rider...and study (but seriously, Line Rider is a big event in terms of using flash to explore the potential of softward interactivity- big enough to score an entire section of YouTube videos based on it, as well as an article about it was written in TIME- not only that, but it was an idea I myself had in my head but I lack flash skills...) anyway, I was saying that during this exam period, before I came down with a case of the dumb, I was doing some quick doodles on the scrap paper that my printer had produced while it was having issues. As I was doing about one a day, I thought I might post em here because...I want to. But as a gesture of...deference to your thusly preempted objections, I will place them behind a cut.

Okay, that was just pure wanker. Forgive me. My brain is numb.

( Part 2- hanging by a limb )

( Part 3- STUDEE SO HADDO )

( Part 4- NOT naked bunny )

And now, I must leave it at that for my brain is more than numb, it is starting to hurt from my being awake. So I think I'll turn in for the night. No distraction pic for today that means...well I tried but I had to scrap some attempts because they went all off the rails. Besides, no point trying to flog a dead horse.

*falls unconscious*

Well, exams are just right around the corner, so by now you would figure that I've taken a couple of weeks off teh internetz, except to sporadically comment and get sidetracked when my brain burns out. I had a massive panic attack this week, and spent the rest of it alternating between "omgomgomgI'mgonnafailohfuck" and "well maybe I might pass after all." I only managed to regain a little peace after I dealt with some of the most pressing bits of neuro (which I'm still hammering through now), and made a little discovery in the process.

Most of medicine is not actually that difficult. Well, it can be but if you're okay with principles and their application then the hard bit mainly consists of a lot of rote learning. Being a lazy sod, I hate rote learning, so whilst acknowledging its importance, I struggle and this often results in procrastination (and hence I'm having a heart attack today.) Also, the content did come thicker and faster than most students could feasibly cope with this semester.

However, rote learning for me is made much easier when it suits my interests, not surprisingly. While I love medicine despite all the inevitable difficulties of learning and exams that come with any course (which doesn't stop students from bitching about it no-end), there are particular bits of it that I am more fascinated by. Previously, I thought that I had no interest in embryology- mainly because it was daunting in terms of all the random terms we had to learn and a whole new paradigm and semantic which just left me muddlingly miserable in my ignorance. This proved to be a red herring, however, as it turns out that I take a particular pleasure in studying the developmental aspects of this semester, and, despite their almost completely foreign vocabulary, I find it quite easy to learn.

This makes sense now that I realise that it fits in well with my preoccupation with causation- regardless of the fact that anyway one looks at it I am still studying models that in very large sections "just is, no we don't know why or where this fits". This is reflected similarly in my interest in developmental models in psychological medicine (for the Health Practice subject), and more broadly my latent, largely unexplored interest in epistemology. Most peculiarly, I used to have this distinct aversion to studying pediatrics, but obviously developmental interests focus largely on those who are developing, which was indicated by my interest in juvenile sociology, which has, while it hasn't gotten anywhere new for the past few months, has certainly not stalled.

Anyway, I should probably get back to it. I got distracted because the printer started chucking a spaz, and wasted about a dozen good sheets of A4. So while waiting for it to clean and realign, I scribbled this out:



This appears to be a slightly younger, slightly more mischievous version of Orlestat. Since the backstory for the roleplay he was intended for was unsuitable for a background to an actual story, I have no idea what I'm doing with his character except some basic traits. Anyway. It's not quite right but eh, 5 minutes.

I will eventually get one done for each and every sheet wasted. I might even do those tailored pics I promised to do earlier, since after the exams appears to be a long (and much needed) holiday. My previous semesterly holidays were cut from 7 weeks to 3 days because the breakdown forced me to sit my exams late, which could explain why I was so burnt out for so much of the semester, and why I am making up for it now by working harder than I have ever done in my life before (with the possible exception of preparing for the L.Mus piano exam- that one will be hard to top).

Right! No more wasting time!

It's been a while since I've drawn any female characters- too long in fact since I picked up the pen with intent to drawing production quality pictures, so I decided that I might as well do a quick one (I suspect that the oysters were much the basis of this inspiration). Hence, what follows is an experimental picture of Aeryn:



If you've seen pictures of Aeryn before, you would realise that her appearance has changed in two aspects:

1. Her mane has been trimmed and styled to a rather urban cut.
2. Her tail has been changed to a lion's tail- more traditionally associated with unicorns...since she is a unicorn.

I do not know if I will keep those changes, but I suspect I will revert back to a more voluminous mane. The tail will undergo similar readjustments. Also, I think she was supposed to be dripping wet in this picture, as the tail and the mane itself would indicate. But since it was a quick doodle, I couldn't be bothered- yet. I will say this though- someday I really ought to do what I say I'm going to do, and use not-so-cheap paper and stationery. This time I was using a scrapbook, and the uniball^TM was particularly unresponsive and ick, it either scratched or it bled.

As a final side note, one reason I like drawing Aeryn is because she is generally rather small. Previously alot of my characters were of the tall slim and sometimes spindly type (Rael, Morgan, early versions of caricatures of myself), but I wanted something petite or maybe even compact for once, and Aeryn fit the bill quite nicely. So too does Orlestat, but you'll only see more of him rather eventually. I will additionally profess to having a certain...attraction to posteriors. Some of you will by now no doubt appreciate this, but it's fair game now, so feel free to tease me about it.

Dishevelled, anatomically wrong*, and sheepish, yes.

But I certainly don't feel any older.


* I realised that the "anatomically wrong" came from Morgan's pecs being too high for somebody sitting hunched.

I needed to find something to put in this journal as I had "the itch".

Besides I can't keep it in any longer. Was originally going to wait until I had the time to color it and everything, but I thought stuff that- it'd be months before I get around to it!



If you think the composition is askance, you are correct! This is simply an extract. And pencil lineart sketch. Actually I don't know if I have enough skill or confidence to carry off the lighting...the torso is a fair chunk and if I screw up it will look quite horrid...

Ah well, gotta try sometime, as there are people waiting! Maybe I should get a few tips somewhere, somehow.

Alright, I caved. I actually kinda liked how this one turned out and therefore I am compelled to post at least the link.

This was the result of my studying anatomy and staring at Netters for too long. As such, you are hereby warned- this is NSFW because it is indeed a naked pony. An anatomically correct naked pony. And pardon the French, but I know I'm going to raise some cries of protest with the reference.

Now I will go back to my stuff and all those good things. I suppose.

Pleased to say that I almost sailed through the 3 hour written paper with significantly less bullshit than last semester.

Aside from running out of time and realising I could have, after all, answered the last big question (more than a tenth of the paper), swapping all the acronyms in my molecular cascades (cAMP, GTP, cGMP, PKA, it's all the same thing when you're cramming...ooh I think I saw somebody cringe), fudging a question about bronchopulmonary segments (that one was for the physios, not the meds...) and not really knowing the which was which when comparing static and dynamic lung volumes in obstructive and restrictive airway disease...I'd say that exam was relatively easy.

All up, I'm actually expecting to do more than pass that one. Although 80% is a bit of an optimistic estimate.

Now I have 3 more exams to go, so I'm going to pop off the radar again for a bit. However, I will plead guilty to wasting time in my usual fashion! Not to say it was unproductive though. I was studying, um...anatomy. So, a teaser is in order:



I think the only comment I have to add is that I wonder what was going through Netter's mind when he did his slides. And I wonder how tomorrow's exams will turn out. Maybe I should sleep on that one.

Later.